Archive for the 'Musics' Category



02
Nov
11

Lyrics To The Title Theme Of HBO’s Boardwalk Empire

Boardwalk Empire's Michael K. Williams shares home improvement tips

I watch HBO’s Boardwalk Empire.  This show’s major strengths are its art direction and set design, which really are a joy.  Its music direction, faithful to its Jazz Age period runs a close second, and might even have placed first, if not for one inexplicable decision.

In a stark and ugly contrast to the rest of the show’s attention to production standards, Boardwalk Empire‘s title theme music is a disaster.  For some reason, a chunk of sheer hackwork in the form of throwaway bar-band blues-rock culled from the catalog of the resolutely inessential Brian Jonestown Massacre was chosen to usher viewers into each week’s episode.

This isn’t about anachronism.  I’m not saying that a rock song could never work in this role. I’m saying the chosen rock song relates to the show only in one sense:  Each time I hear it, I lament that Atlantic City, endowed today with van-loads of creatively vacant, Stones-tribute bar bands who suck far less than San Francisco’s Brian Jonestown Massacre, couldn’t contribute to its namesake “death and titty” cable drama when the time came to slap a shitty rock song in the theme hole.

One habit I inherited from my father is to give lyrics to annoying tunes.  In that tradition, I offer to all Boardwalk fans a means to put a happier spin on this most bullshit of title themes.  Take these lyrics to Boardwalk Empire in the shared hope that a saddened nation can, as one, polish away this small spot of musical tarnish from our Sunday nights.

Lyrics To The Boardwalk Empire Theme

Boy, this theme sucks
Lemme tell ya 
God, this theme sucks
Like a hoover
Stupid blues riff
What the fuck, man?
Sounds like Oasis
Fuck you 
(repeat 1x)

And it’s cloudy
In the 1920s
And Buscemi
Looks especially worn
Hey, it’s water
What are those, bottles?
Fly away, seagull
Shitty solo ahoy!

Baaaaaw woooo-awooooo oooo-ooo-ooooo

(Singers give tempo ruboto impression of awful guitar solo)

(rest)

Please just start the show
And end this theme
Just start the show
Already please

(repeat after rest)

20
Dec
10

The Fall: (We Wish You) A Protein Christmas

What’s that sound?  It’s Mark E. Claus, trapped in your chimney, complaining bitterly about the soot.  The least you can do is get him a pint.

25
Nov
10

Gerry Casale’s Oral History Of DEVO

In a turkey(monkey) coma this Thanksgiving? Snap out of it with these 1995 clips of DEVO’s Gerald V. Casale as he tells the story of five pilgrims from Akron, OH who sailed to Los Angeles in a Plymouth only to collide with a rock called the music industry.

Marvel at tales of Booji Boy, he who is old as the mountains but as yet unborn!  Learn of the earliest days of Art DEVO, of the Poot Man and his dairy intake, of janitor supply stores,  McDonald’s restaurant managers and other stanchions of Akronian society!

It’s a wiggly world full of strange pursuits and unkeyed chroma.  Light up a stogie (really?) with Gerry and reflect on a job well done.

31
Aug
10

Chunklet’s Indie Cred Test

I wrote some stuff  in this, and the whole thing is funny, so buy it.

They call it a coffee table book, but I’ve never been able to fit a coffee table in the bathroom.

10
Jul
10

Pere Ubu On Letterman: Worlds In Collision

We get a glimpse of show business’s hidden ritual abuse of musicians as Dave discusses the effrontery of the show’s performance arrangements for Pere Ubu in the 1989(?) clip. As per the show’s other longstanding policy of requiring musical performances to be shared by Paul Schaeffer and the house band, the forced hybridization of Ubu is in this case not a displeasing one.

24
Jun
10

Tim Westergren: Pandora’s Profitable

I’ve written before about how I love the web music service Pandora and its nerdy roots as a musical categorization engine. Underneath Pandora lurks the Music Genome Project, a smartly designed effort to identify properties present in individual recordings regardless of artist, genre, label, era, or any other strictly nonmusical characteristics. These musical properties are used to make automated decisions about your playlist – if you start with a song that uses electric guitars, minor key tonality, chromatic harmonic structure and uptempo pacing, you’re likely to get more of these characteristics in subsequent songs – no matter what artist, era or genre. It makes for great listening and surprising discovery.

I talked to Pandora CEO Tim Westergren in 2007 when I worked for Gearwire.com. Here’s Tim’s Wall Street Journal interview from today. The upshot: Pandora’s now profitable, working out the privacy problems that Facebook’s shifting policies have foisted upon them.

And what the heck, here’s my Pandora profile.  Below, a 2008 clip with Tim, Pandora’s Dancing Monkey (and crew).

13
Jun
10

Oh, Wikipedia. You So Crazy.

I met Dave Schulthise, better known as Dave Blood of the Dead Milkmen in 1985 when i was 17. The Milkmen’s first Chicago show happened to also be my first stage appearance, playing bass for The Defoliants. Dave, sadly no longer with us, was a sweet and funny guy who really knew his way around a Music Man bass. This means he would have gotten a kick out of the complete bullshit that lives on his Wikipedia page:

Yeah, no. Abnormally good playing, abnormally great guy, normal tuning.




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Email

rob [at] warmowski [dot] com

@warmowski on twitter

Rob’s Bands

Rob Warmowski entry at Chicago Punk Database
1984-89: Defoliants
1991-94: Buzzmuscle
2001-05: San Andreas Fault
2008- : Sirs
2008- : Allende

Rob at Huffington Post

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