I Can’t Laugh, And I Can’t Sing, I’m Finding It Hard To Do Anything

Let us be thankful that the nonstop cavalcade of absurdity that is life in these United States remains in full effect in the new decade, available with only a click of the remote.

Like tonight: A quick perusal of TV offerings uncovered a Barry Manilow special, wherein the 67 year old popular troubador favored Chicago’s channel 11 viewers with a medley of his hits, his face frozen in a wide-eyed expression of…glee? For song after song, Barry maintained a childlike surprise that eventually became terrifying.

That’s because, as I managed to figure out eventually, Barry can’t stop. His cosmetic surgery work has stretched his facial skin to a drum-like tension, permanently fixing his visage in a bright, cheerful mask of abject fucking horror, impervious to any eventuality.

“Barry, your gig in Dubai has been canceled.”

“Barry, your accountant has embezzled all your money. You’re penniless.”

“Barry, I’m sorry, the biopsy found cancer”

Confidential to the Los Angeles, CA elective surgery industry: Stop. Just…stop. For fuck’s sake. Please.

7 Responses to “I Can’t Laugh, And I Can’t Sing, I’m Finding It Hard To Do Anything”

  1. 1 heterochthonous
    January 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Actually, I was impressed with the subtlety of his expressions.

    It suggests to me, someone very personal, who passes most of his
    time with close friends.

    Or, alternatively, a bio-mechanical humanoid construct from aliens
    who just don’t quite get ‘it.’

  2. 2 Guy
    January 4, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    Sorry for this being unrelated. But I saw you on clubdevo.com boards – who/what is that in your avatar/display picture? It looks kind of DEVO-ish, but I don’t remember ever seeing it.

    • January 4, 2010 at 6:21 pm

      The image (found here) is an unknown bit of flotsam from teh intertubes I spotted and caught. I don’t remember where, sorry. I collect cool images and often don’t know where they came from. I kept it because it certainly is DEVO.

      • 4 Guy
        January 4, 2010 at 10:51 pm

        I see. Dang. It looks like it might be from some interesting old sci-fi b-movie XD. Do you happen to have it saved to your computer at any larger resolution (if so, could you upload it somewhere)? I already saved the one since I also like collecting images like that, but it’d be cool to see it larger.

  3. 6 Guy
    January 4, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Thanks! Boy, that looks even more DEVO up close!

  4. January 8, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Every single person I have encountered with the telltale signs of optional surgical “enhancement” has that look of perpetual surprise. And every time I see it, my brain immediately switches the jukebox on and I hear Adam Ant’s voice shrieking “puhlassstic Surrrger-eeeeeeee! It’s sooo…PLASTIC”

    Duh dunt dunt duhh, dunt dunt duhhh.

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rob [at] warmowski [dot] com

@warmowski on twitter

Rob’s Bands

Rob Warmowski entry at Chicago Punk Database
1984-89: Defoliants
1991-94: Buzzmuscle
2001-05: San Andreas Fault
2008- : Sirs
2008- : Allende

Rob at Huffington Post

January 2010

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