retaliatory haiku

the television won’t shut itself off, and so i have been bathing in its blue radiation. it’s horrible aura darkens the circles under my eyes and keeps me reeling. a glass teat squirting its high-calorie low-protein mush into my living room. it’s almost embarrassing, nearly obscene. but you have to give the people who make this stuff credit for having world-class imaginations.

for example, there’s this great show on now about an austrian, a philandering son of a nazi who achieves the governorship of california. exquisite fancy! there’s also this elaborate “fantasy baseball” show that comes on every few evenings where they pose the question “what if the chicago cubs didn’t suck?” delicious! there’s also this amazing documentary series about the band califoneand their travels on the road.

often, there’s lots and lots of smaller screens on the screen where you can see the heads of people inside. you hear the heads yap, a torrent of steady yammering about this and about that. and then some more about this, then that. i think its supposed to be news, but some of these people are so full of their own dump, you cannot fail to be entertained.

the parade of television personalities is a very long one, dominated by jingoist rhetoric and flag-draped distraction. the only sane response to this interminable procession of babble is retaliatory haiku.

ann coulter

thin yellow tresses
unmussed by any helmet
her spittle cries war

rush limbaugh

hear the little maracas?
painkiller bottles

cokie roberts

nostrils akimbo
an insider inside her
and inside him, scotch

sean hannity

wally george’s wit
adolf eichmann’s compassion
little richard’s tact

robert novak

underneath the bridge
lived an obedient troll
who dabbled in treason

bill o’reilly

hippies are okay
maybe kind of lost, sure, but
at least they’re not you

0 Responses to “retaliatory haiku”

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s



rob [at] warmowski [dot] com

@warmowski on twitter

Rob’s Bands

Rob Warmowski entry at Chicago Punk Database
1984-89: Defoliants
1991-94: Buzzmuscle
2001-05: San Andreas Fault
2008- : Sirs
2008- : Allende

Rob at Huffington Post

October 2003

%d bloggers like this: