In the feature film High Fidelity, a John-Belushi-like wag bears the standard for punk rock from a storefront on Milwaukee and Honore streets in Chicago.

In the 1980s, I was a John-Belushi-like wag and bore the standard for punk rock from a music club on Milwaukee and Honore streets in Chicago.

In the feature film Office Space, a hapless cubicle-dweller pretends to work on a Year 2000 software project.

In the 1990s, I was a hapless cubicle-dweller pretending to work on a Year 2000 software project.

In the feature film The Break Up, a charming Polish-American manchild gives humorous tours of downtown Chicago from a large vehicle.

In the 2000s, I was a charming Polish-American manchild who gave humorous tours of downtown Chicago from a large vehicle.

My name is Rob Warmowski, and I live my life in terror of the plotlines of mainstream romantic comedies.